


YANA

by D_D



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depressed Dean, YANA - Freeform, You are not alone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-11
Updated: 2016-04-11
Packaged: 2018-06-01 17:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6529495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/D_D/pseuds/D_D
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is not alone, none of us is either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	YANA

**Author's Note:**

> This is a month-old fic that I had only posted on tumblr. I am aware of it's grammatical and structural errors but this was written as a first hand experience and feelings are very hard for me to express so sorry for that. 
> 
> ALSO, You are not alone, if you feel down please reach someone, if you don’t think you can rely on anyone message me, I may not be able to do much but I know how to listen. 
> 
> For more professionalish listeners there’s an amazing web called 7cupsoftea where there are people who will talk to you and help you, it’s free an anonimous and helps a lot.
> 
> Mental illnesses are an important matter and should be treated like it. Never feel ashamed of what you are going through. You can beat it, I promise. <3

Dean was feeling it again. He could not really describe the sensation. It was like a knot in his stomach. Like he wanted to escape, even from his own body. He hated crying but he couldn’t help it.

He had been sitting on his sofa, his feet on the table, watching some crappy movie while drinking a beer. Somehow he started thinking about beer and then about his dad and then about everything else all at the same time. He felt like a failure, well, not like a failure, more like-like he could do more, like he wasn’t enough, like he didn’t achieve anything. He thought of Sam, his degree, his soon to be wife… He had always been better, and he’s not jealous, not really, he just wished he was as good as him, he wished he had done more, worked harder…

He felt tired, so tired. A couple of tears had gone down his face and he sniffed. He knew he had drowned, he knew he was in a very bad shape, that he was sick. And somehow along the way he had forgot to care. But there was something that still tied Dean to reality.

He had people, family, that loved him, he didn’t understand it but they did. And today the part of Dean that cared about them asked for help, desperately. He didn’t know how to ask for help though. He was ashamed, he thought he was being stupid, that his break down was stupid and embarrassing…

He saw the phone in the table and in an impulse he left the beer on the surface and grabbed the cell. He opened the contacts list and started scrolling down but stopped. He couldn’t do it, he could not call his brother, or his mom, he would upset them and make them sad and worried and he didn’t want to hurt them.

He saw Cas’s name on the screen and considered it, he needed help though and he knew that if he waited too much he would be too embarrassed to call. But Cas was one of the few people he actually trusted.

Dean felt the need to cancel the call but fortunately, Cas picked his phone before Dean could do anything.

“Dean? What’s up?” He sounded sleepy, like he had just woken up. ‘Shit,’ thought Dean. That day had been his free day, and after two days doubling shift he would probably be slepping till late. How could have he forgotten.

“Sorry Cas, I-I… go sleep.”

Castiel was sleepy but he heard the trembling on Dean’s voice, he sat up. “Dean, are you okay?”

Dean gulped and for once he told the truth. “No.”

Castiel was already sitting on the edge of the bed. “Do you want me to come over?” Before he could answer though Cas continued. “I’ll be there in five.”

Dean felt another tear falling. “Thank you.”

Castiel put on some sweatpants. “No problem Dean, I’ll be there in a moment.”

Castiel hung up and grabbed his jacket, the keys of the car and house and headed to Dean’s. Dean simply leaned against the sofa trying to control his breathing. It was overwhelming, that anyone cared for him, it was just too much.

In ten minutes Castiel was knocking on the door. Dean had wiped the tears and more or less was controlling his breathing. He opened the door and Castiel came in, leaving his jacket in the hanger. “Sorry, traffic was horrible.”

Cas looked at him and he couldn’t help it, he started crying again.

“Shh, hey.” Castiel wiped some tears off of his cheek and pulled him in a hug. Soon Dean was a sobbing mess. Cas rubbed his back. “It’s okay, Dean. Let it all out.”

Dean didn’t know how much time they spent like that, little by little he started breathing okay again. Castiel dragged him to the couch. He waited patiently till Dean had calmed.

“Do you want tea or something?” Dean shook his head. “Okay.” He grabbed his hands and caressed them. “You gotta try breathing normally. Try breathing with me okay? We use this technique with patients when they are in shock. It goes like this: inhaling for three seconds, holding it for one second, and then exhaling for another three seconds and holding again one more second. Let’s do it together.” He inhaled loudly and signaled Dean when he had to hold and then exhale. They repeated a few times and Dean felt more relaxed, he was not crying anymore.

“Feel any better?” Dean nodded. “I’m glad. You know you can tell me anything right?”

Dean nodded again and tried talking, “It’s just-” but he couldn’t talk without breaking again. After a long pause he could continue. “I think I-I’m depressed. Jess was doing a project on-on mental stuff and I read the symptoms…” He sniffed. He felt guilty somehow, like the illness was his fault, and it scared him thinking about it like that, an illness.

Castiel nodded. “I-I know a good doc, she will able to help you. I’ll introduce you to her.”

“Thanks.” He whispered.

Cas pulled him close, so Dean rested his head on his chest. “You’ll get through this, Dean, I know that for sure. And we will be there, all of us. We love you and we will be there, you are not alone in this Dean, you are not alone.”

Dean was overwhelmed by Cas statement, he let the last tears fall and started breathing like Cas had taught him. He could help feeling embarrassed for being a crybaby, or guilty but he was not alone, he was not alone.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a month-old fic that I had only posted on tumblr. I am aware of it's grammatical and structural errors but this was written as a first hand experience and feelings are very hard for me to express so sorry for that. 
> 
> ALSO, You are not alone, if you feel down please reach someone, if you don’t think you can rely on anyone message me, I may not be able to do much but I know how to listen. 
> 
> For more professionalish listeners there’s an amazing web called 7cupsoftea where there are people who will talk to you and help you, it’s free an anonimous and helps a lot.
> 
> Mental illnesses are an important matter and should be treated like it. Never feel ashamed of what you are going through. You can beat it, I promise. <3


End file.
